I love me, I love me not.

I’ve been thinking a lot about self love this past week and what it really means. We’re told all our lives that we need to love who we are to become the people we want to be. And it’s true. They’re not lying to us. Loving who you are is the key to our success, but is it more complicated than that?

Loving who we are – It seems to be one of the most challenging things we can do, yet the most necessary to become better people. I guess what I’m starting to realize is that you can’t just love who you are in some areas in your life, and not others.

Everything is so connected in our lives, so if we’re only giving ourselves love sometimes, there’s this whole other side of who we are that we don’t really get to discover. We make choices all the time that reflect how we feel about ourselves.

Something as simple as eating too much when you know you’re full is one of the most common and the perfect example of lack of self love. Love isn’t feeling stuffed. Love isn’t feeling sick. Love isn’t filling your body up with foods that make you feel bad later. That’s not love.

That’s sadness. That’s pain. That’s a lack of self worth.

So the next you make a choice that you know will only make your day worse or your future less bright, ask yourself “Am I treating myself with love right now?”

Because the answer should always be yes.

Break the weight,
Ricki

Best four years ever?

I hated college. And I know hates a strong word, but I can’t think of any other way to describe it. The funny part about me hating college is that if you ask people who knew or hung out with me during those years, they’d probably tell you how much fun I was always having.

The truth is, I went home most nights in so much pain. It didn’t matter if I had a boyfriend or really amazing friends because I did, I had both of those, but there was always this emptiness in my life and for so long, it took over my every thought. 

I felt so horrible in my own skin and remember so vidily looking into the mirror countless times, begging the person staring back at me to feel comfortable and happy with herself. My weight went up and down between 5-8 pounds every year. It was a constant internal and physical struggle, to say the least. 

 
My body image was so distorted and there was much pressure to party, enagage and be wild that it was almost impossible to escape my own mind. Every other thought was “Shit, we’re drinking three days in a row? Okay, so I’ll workout…” or “Why are people pressuring me to eat pizza at 3 am?”  

I know it’s only college, and getting drunk and eating late night may not seem like life’s biggest tragedy, but the truth is, it’s not just about that. It’s about what it’s like to feel pressure all the time. Pressure to eat, party, smoke, and be a certain way just for the sake of not feeling left out. 

I couldn’t figure out how to do this. I was in so much pain. Even as I write this, I can still envision this girl sitting on her bed with such saddness in her heart, and I can’t help but think there must be so many others who feel this way. All the time. 

So many others that have lost someone close to them, or struggle daily with body image issues or can’t figure out how to say no to all the stupid social pressure that comes along with just life in general. 

When I launched the break the weight program, I made sure that anyone could use this system. I see now how beneficial this type of program could be for college girls who suffer the way I used to suffer. 

It’s not easy taking care of yourself when there is so much happening around you. It’s not easy feeling good about yourself when you skip yoga to party, and it’s definitely not easy being comfortable in your own skin when every girl next to you is a size 0. 

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t live your life and have fun. Trust me, I’m all about fun. But when does it stop being fun and start being painful?

I hope my program can help girls in college learn how to live healthy and happy lives while still going out and enjoying themselves. We go through a lot during those years and sometimes it’s hard to do all on our own, so why not build a system that helps guide you through?

And yes, it’s really okay if people don’t agree with your “healthy choices” or ask questions like “Oh my god, why aren’t you eating at 4 am with us?”

Just smile and say “I’m not hungry.”

Besides, we both know she’s not really hungry either.

Break the weight,

Ricki

Things have changed.

The last time I wrote about moving to colorado, I was sitting in a random coffee shop (now a staple in my weekly routine) and here I am now, sitting at Green Spaces, the co-working space that I build Break the weight out of.

I guess it’s fair to say that things have changed.  When I made the choice to move to Colorado it was because I knew in my heart that this was the place I needed to be in order to grow and move forward in the ways that I needed. 

I don’t know exactly why my heart has always been directed to this state, but a tiny part of me thinks it’s subconiously where I feel closest to my mother and also the place I get to have the most adventures.

I’m now entering month seven, and sometimes I still have to remind myself that I really am becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be. Because it’s easy to doubt ourselves out of becoming it.

I finally found my purpose in my work and it’s something I’ve been running away from and trying to find at the same.  Break the weight has turned into a program that can help individuals the way it has always helped me.

It’s weird to look back over the last year of my life because I can’t even recognize the person from 7 months ago. Nothing feels the same anymore (well expect, my cars a little messy). But, there’s this internal change happening and it’s allowing me to chase after my dreams.

And that’s exactly what I’m doing.

And that’s exactly what you should be doing.

Break the weight,

Ricki

Ice cream wins…again

As we begin the Sugarless 4 six challenge, I think it’s only fair that I share my own experience with trying to give up sugar.  Besides, honesty is always the best policy…right? (Say right).

Anyway, after being sugar free for 23 days, I  found myself standing in the line at my favorite ice cream shop. I guess “found” isn’t really the correct way to put it, because let’s be serious: I PUT myself in my favorite ice cream shop.

I knew exactly what I was doing. I knew that after 23 days of no sugar that I was about to break it. I knew how I would feel after, and I knew that by doing this, I would also have to tell my loyal sugar followers that the coach has officially fallen off.  And even with knowing all this information, I did it anyway.  

Was I being self destructive? Maybe a little. But what I realized the most was that I didn’t even want the ice cream and my cravings were stemming from something so much deeper. The ice cream wasn’t even that good and even though I knew that, I still in this messed up way, forced myself to eat it.

I went to bed that evening thinking about my actions and instead of feeling guilty about what I did, I knew I just needed to better understand it.

It really opened my eyes to my emotional connection with food and showed me that most of the time our emotions outweigh our will power. I spent the next few days paying closer attention to why I was eating and I woke up yesterday feeling determined and a little more ready.

Eating ice cream didn’t make me miss sugar more, it made me see how much sweeter I need to be to myself and that taking care of my body and mind is so important that I can’t allow anything to stand in my way.

Not even myself.

So remember, there’s always a choice. And sometimes we don’t always make the best ones, but even when you have fallen off the wagon and can’t believe you did what you just did, remember again: The next choice you make is another choice.

Choose differently.

Break the weight,

Ricki